Wednesday, 04 November 2009
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I Hate You
I haven't typed anything up since Halloween eve. Now I will spill my heart out on what happened these few days with out new blogs.
On Halloween day, I went to Vi's house to hang out, we originally were going to go to the mall to play dress up but that didn't go. Vi had to baby-sit, but then when I got to her house, her aunt was there and she didn't have to anymore. We just hung out in her room and I listened to her story, it took a bit over two hours. She filled me in on at least a months worth of story telling.
On Sunday, I had lunch with my mom and sis, we ate at a pho place at West Lake in Daly City. Vi wanted to hang out and so we did. I walked my ass to her house, and then we went to Walgreens because she needed to get stuff and then later on after we dropped off her stuff, we went to Stonestown. We didn't really do anything, mostly just sat on a bench across from the down escalator and sort of talked while I ate cookies. Yes I bought some Mrs. Field's cookies, I haven't had them in forever. When it was almost six, we went home.
Monday, I spend my day pretty much with Senpai. We did our usual thing, get a drink, lunch, walk to the Welness Center and played cards till he had to go class and I walked to wait for my class. After school we hung out again, we went to the arcade at Bloomingdale's. Senpia totally lost to me in every 2Fast2Furious race we had. I actually got first place and so I got a free game, it was awesome! He got second place when he was playing without me. Hahaha. We played DDR too but it was a new machine and so it wasn't as fun. After when it was I think five something, we decided to go home. Senpai walked with me to Chinatown and took the one bus and I walked to my grandma's since it was dark and I didn't want to go home alone. Didn't matter since my dad and sis are there like everyday.
Tuesday, meaning yesterday, I didn't really do anymore. I had a headache, I think it was from the heat. Just bored at home with nothing to do. It was a pretty pointless day. Nothing special to say for Tuesday.
Wednesday, meaning today. Met with Senpai and did the usual. Had a test for math class, I think I did well on it. So fast forwards to a bit earlier today at I think around six or seven something. Di texts me. I wasn't in my usually peppy type of mood, pretty obvious in my text but doubt he got it. I actually said I had something serious to discuss with him and told him not to freak. I told him to get a girlfriend. Obviously he didn't freak, he's had a girlfriend for the last month. Gee Di, thanks for fucking telling me the good news. Yeah, a bit shocked and like 'what the fuck.' So obviously I told him not to call me 'babe' anymore. And most definitely he will not be able to call me 'Honey' like he used to whenever he talked to me. It wouldn't be fair to his girlfriend nor would it be fair to me. Just after finding out he has a girlfriend, I am pretty much hating him right now. To most part, he didn't tell me about having a girlfriend and also because it feels like he's fucking with my feeling because he knows I fucking like him, for obvious reasons because I straight out told him. Vi knows because she was talking to me on AIM somewhat while it happened. She asked if I cried, I said I didn't because I really didn't. I just felt a bit sad and betrayed. But not long ago, I suddenly started tearing while listening to 'Bolero'. Just out of nowhere, tears started forming on my eyes, blurring the computer screen when I was replying to Vi. And I sort of did cry for a few minutes, I felt the tears falling down my cheek and the blurriness pissing me off. It pissed me off that I was tearing for him. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry but subconsciously, I did. That totally sucks fucking balls man. I don't really know what to know now. I mean, I haven't felt this much since JC. This makes me really mad and sad at the same time! I just don't know what I can do now...
Songs that are fitting my mood. "I Don't Care - 2NE1", "Heartbreaker - G-Dragon", "Again & Again - 2PM", "I Hate You - 2PM", "Please Be Nice To Me - Kim Hyun Joong". Current songs that fit my mood, or at least the english translations do.
Over and out!
Friday, 30 October 2009
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Like You
The night weather outside, it was great for picture taking and that I did. I decided not to go to school and go to a nice spacious place. And so I'm sitting there by myself in Union Square, downtown, when suddenly I hear my name being called out. I turn towards the direction of the sound and guess who I see. I see my beloved! I was in total shock with mixed emotions, happy, surprised and shocked obviously. I couldn't help but pop up from where I was sitting and run over to him. To other people I might just be some person charging and attacking the male, but really all I wanted to do was give him a big hug. And that's exactly what I did, I gave him the biggest hug I could possibly give. I couldn't believe my eyes, he was standing there right in front of me. I never thought it was possible to see him, but now I feel as if one of my wishes actually did come true. I could feel his hand in mine and boy were they a perfect fit. We took this time to bond, we walked around hand in hand and talked around whatever popped to mind. It was fun, not once did we let go of each other's hand. We went to watch a movie, "The Stepfather", damn was it scary, I'm never watching it again! After the movie we just sat at Union Square, we even took pictures together, as memories of our day together. It's just too bad that it had to end, he actually drove me home, now he knows where I live! Haha, anyways, he dropped me off and walked me to the door. Guess what he did... he gave me a kiss! I didn't expect that at all, I probably blushed like crazy at least that's what I felt. Because he kissed me, I didn't want him to go but sadly we must part.
Sounds real doesn't it? Too bad it's only a dream or fantasy as you might call it. That's probably what I WANT to happen, sigh, it's just sad because it wont happen.
Okay so what I did do today, I woke up late today, ten something almost eleven. Got up, ate, surfed the net and then went to meet up Senpai. Senpai said to meet at Wonderful at Irving because he had to turn in his application later. So we went to Wonderful, separately, I had to wait like fifteen minutes for him to get there cause he changed from the 29 to 28 bus. We got our drinks, he waited with me and also to check the GPS timing of our buses. Then I told him to go to his bus stop or else he'll miss it, and he did. We went out separate ways and I went school, there were a lot of people on the buses today for some reason. That sucked balls having to wait for the people to get off the bottom step or else the doors wouldn't close and delay the bus moving. I got to school early, had to wait for a while till class was to start. I kind of sang to myself as I was waiting for the other class to end and for mine to start. We did some reviewing and then we did some review questions as classwork. I actually had no trouble with the problems except for one because it was really long and I didn't feel like doing it. Other then that one problem, I did sixteen of them in like half an hour. I think I'm going to do on the text this coming Wednesday. I have confidence that I will. After school I went to my mom's house, chatted and ate stuff and watched this new Chinese drama that they advertised like monopoly. I just watched a little before I told my mom to drive me home. My mom gave me donuts and some fish crackers and chicken broth. Those will be useful to me. Lol because there's rarely food at home!
When I got home, I turned on the computer, music, and not long later I started blogging. Thus I am here right now typing this. That's pretty much my day. Nothing special happens, which is normal. I'm kind of hungry now, I shall eat a donut after finishing this. I am just so bored. I'm going to go eat my donut now.
Over and out!
Thursday, 29 October 2009
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La Cha Ta
I have once again came on to blog. There's not much that happened to me today, since I had not gone to school today. I woke up pretty early, nine something close to ten. I browsed the net for most of the day, reading there, video watching here, listening to music and so on; the usual stuff. Now it's night time, ten something close to eleven at night, and here I am blogging. Earlier in the night, I got bored with the computer and the lagging-ness from the Roller Coaster application from Facebook. So I went to do some Math homework, the teacher has yet to collect any of the homework for all I know. I did the homework for about half an hour and then I got bored of doing it and went back to the computer; I was still bored. Today has been quite a useless day for me. I don't have anything to do, no new books to read that does not involve the computer, till January at least.
Halloween is coming up soon, just two days away. Oh how I used to love Halloween, the atmosphere was the best, mischievous and joyful. The costumes and treats and people just having fun. I remember going trick-or-treating once, it was the first and last time I ever went. Not much memories of it but I was nice. Overall Halloween is still my all time favorite day even if it's not a holiday, it forever is in my calendar.
I really don't have much to talk about tonight. I should probably exercise or go out and walk around when I decide not to go to school, but then there's not good place for me to go where I wouldn't get lost and I'm not sure if there's anything nice to look at; flowers and such. It's all houses around here and it's no fun at all.
Now I really have nothing else to say, except I miss Di. I feel a bit lonely-ish when I don't get a chance to chat with him. I would take the initiative to text him first but I don't want to be a bother, he's most likely pretty tired out from work in the day already. I'll deal with it somehow, I'm just a bit stuck on him. I haven't been stuck on someone since JC, and that's been a while now. I have fully given up all feelings for JC, probably have for a while now that I haven't seen him since high school or around school. I can say that Di made me not think of JC, transfer of feels from JC to Di. Geez.. I miss Di, damn ass for pulling me into his trap! Too bad I still love him either way. I am so doomed.
Eek.. I will now end my blog, it's passed eleven now. I got distracted by a manga on my tab so I will go finish reading it before going to bed.
Over and out!
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
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- MysteryCurrently: Beast Is The B2st : 1st Mini Album [Mnet Media] [Korea 2009] Mystery
Once again I have came back to blog. Why blog instead of doing something useful like homework or somewhat study for exams and tests? Why you ask? Because I don't fucking feel like it, simple as that. I just wing it anyways, not like studying will make me understand shit better then having the teacher teach it me. I rather not waste my time trying to figure something I don't have any interest in out so that I can get it.
These days I feel emotionless or I'm lacking the normal amount of emotions we humans have. It usually occurs at home, where it is empty except for me, myself and I till eight at night. I'm losing my emotions to silence and loneliness. I feel lonely at home, even if my dad and sister is home with me, the lack of communication with one another, that family feeling, it's long lost. It has been for a while but it's finally sinking in and the emotions that once were there are escaping from me.
Probably the only time where I have emotions; happy, being myself regardless if it means being somewhat blunt and mean, is at school. Senpai has seen them all, he puts up with me like no other, when I'm being harsh or when I'm joking around. He's truly seen all sides of me, when Senpai and I have our bonding times. If I were sad, I most likely wont show it, showing it doesn't help make anything better. Talking about them never helps either, you think they do but they really don't. You just have to suck it up and let it go.
The emotions that I'm losing are probably related to my many sleepless nights recently. Just things happen, I'm starving for attention from certain people and since I'm not getting the attention I want, I feel empty inside. I think if I were to have a mirror in front of me and I stare at myself through the mirror, I'd probably see a blank or emotionless face. I've never thought that I'd ever have to put up a emotionless face, I hope I don't do that with I'm around people. I'd rather just leave my emotionless self at home; I probably already do. Fakes smiles are easy to make but a really honestly happy one; takes a lot of work.
I guess I could sum up this whole blog but just a few words; I am sad today. I don't know if all the above means I'm being sad or not but that's how I feel. I'm pouring my heart and soul into this blog, feeling and all to see if spilling it would make little ol' me feel just a tiny bit better. I don't really feel anything. I really need to find a way to bring myself up, be more happy like I somewhat used to be. I can count on no one but myself, not friends, not family, nobody but myself.
Probably the only thing I feel good about is how I'm doing in Math. I'm actually trying, somewhat paying attention and wanting to do better. I actually truly enjoy my time in Math, even if it's late in the day. I got called "smart" today from someone who is more then likely smarter then I am in my Math class. I get to listen to music throughout the class period, drink my milk tea and not get scold at. My teacher let's me do pretty much what I want; listen to music while he's teaching. He doesn't tell me to take it off like he did to a few students. It's probably because I'm not a problematic student, I do my work quietly, I don't disturb the class and basically; I cause no trouble.
I want to feel you,
Just a tiny bit.
I want to touch you,
To feel your touch.
I want to hear you,
Speak those sweet words.
I want to tell you,
How much you mean to me.
I want to know that I'm able to call you mine,
And I want to hear you say that I'm yours.
I'm yearning for you,
Just to be able to be with you,
But somehow I feel crushed.
Over and out!
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Dash Girl
Boy, am I tired. I had some bonding time with my sister last night, for once we were both still awake, in the same room and about to sleep. We haven't had out bonding bed times in a while, it was either I was asleep or she was already asleep. Last night we caught up on what's been happening that was more memorable to us then the usual crap. My sister can be so awesome at times, hate her alarm though. Yesterday I actually didn't even hear her alarm go off and it's usually really loud and wakes me up as well as when she opens the lights. I was knocked out cold that I didn't even notice. These days I haven't been sleep well, not like I used to. Today I woke up to my sister alarm, how I hate it so. It's load and annoying, makes my eyes pop open or flinch when it suddenly goes off. I got up at nine a.m. today, I had decided to do laundry! I was going to run out of clothes to wear soon! Right now it's in the dryer, it shall be done at around eleven to eleven fifteen? Somewhere around that time. I have decided to start blogging again, only because I have no one else to talk to about these things. My thoughts and opinions are usually kept to myself till asked. Since I'm home alone (not including the person living downstairs), I have no one to talk to and such. I'm a loner if you want to me say it. I don't mind being alone, I'm used to it whenever I'm home. I just go distracted for a good five minutes with a tab on my browser, it happens a lot. I was reading a manga online that I've seen before, pictures are pretty. I think I'm just going to go read some more mangas while I wait for my clothes to be all dried since I don't know what else I could talk about now. Maybe I'll type more or some when I get home later on.
Over and out!
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TheLovelessSin
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- Name: Sin
- Member Since: 9/9/2009
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